Thursday, April 10, 2008

Former President Jimmy Carter: The Moral Equivalent of Whore

Not content with his first-place record as our most-failed U.S. president, (full disclosure: I voted for him--twice), Jimmy Carter is working hard to guarantee he's America's biggest failure as ex-president, too.

God has told Jimmy, (or I think it was the other way around--which reminds me of a joke, 'So what's the difference between Christ and Carter? Christ doesn't think He's Carter....')--anyway, one Deity told the Other that Jimmy shall go to Syria and meet with Hamas's leader, Khaled Mashaal, whose group has been designated a terrorist organization by the State Department. That's the American State Department. The country whose taxpayers have been paying Carter's salary for the last 32 years.

Carter kissing the American blood stains on the hand of the Hamas leader makes perfect sense in view of Jimmy's ongoing mission of undermining all U.S. foreign policy goals that didn't originate in his own enlightened administration (e.g., all the ones where our side wins).

It also helps him prove they didn't give him the Nobel Prize just because he was a useful idiot for Euro-snots who wanted a weapon to get at Bush, but because he really deserved to reign in that pantheon of modern peacemakers that includes Yassir Arafat, Al Gore, and the U.N. (And wouldn't you know it, being Carter, he even failed his Nobel mission as a useful idiot!)

If Carter simply must keep drawing attention to himself, I don't see why he can't find ways that are less destructive to the nation, but just as effective.

He can go on The View, say, and do an impersonation of a drunk Danny DeVito doing an impersonation of a five-year-old doing an impersonation of a real President of the United States.

Or he could hire Britney Spears's unemployed mother as his manager, shave off his hair, or get stopped by the LAPD for DUI, or pose nude for Vanity Fair, or start a tabloid relationship with a wigger rap artist.

Or, since he's already supremely confident that when he dies he's going straight to Heaven, maybe he could use what little time he has left to salvage some dignity for himself on Earth.


Anonymous said...

Haa! Very entertaining post.

Although I was too young to vote for Carter, I very proudly voted for Ford in my 6th grade mock election.

Unknown said...

Carter's not like a Whore because you can respected a Whore, and they're always welcome at the good parties.

Carter's more like a gutterslut.