Lines for La-La Land

Instead of your usual holiday gesture of donating used clothing or turkey dinners to poor folks, this year why not do something for the struggling Hollywood entertainment industry, gripped in a bitter labor struggle over residuals, or something.

We suggest packing up as many items of slightly-worn but still useable dialogue and emcee patter as you can find around the house, and shipping it off in a CARE package to Hollywood.

You don't need to worry about which lines go with what shows, or which characters. These people are all pros, and can make almost anything fit.

And since most hit shows boil down to simplistic formulas that highly-paid writers and producers are able to keep re-working season after season, I’m betting that even without writers these studios can take our donations and whip up a whole new season of our favorite shows.

It's easy, and fun! So here are just a few of what I’ve already scraped up:

“Put the weapon down and get on your knees, NOW.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“You got a cause of death on our vic, yet?”

“Cloe, I need that satellite download, NOW.”

“The patient’s crashing.”

“That’s your offer, counselor? We’re done here.”

“Smithers. Who is that young firebrand?”

“We find the defendant…guilty.”

“[Anything, anything, anything]…your ass!”

“...and find out which of these finalists will spin, twirl, and dance their way to the finals!”

“And did you see where Rosie O’Donnell is in the news again?”

Please remember, while giving away turkeys and old clothes are nice gestures, everybody needs TV.

So won't you help? Donations can be sent to:

Lines for LaLa
c/o 1000 Ventura Blvd
Studio City, CA

Speaking Truth to Pollen: After Mouse Martyrdom on Hamas TV, Bumble Bee Calls for Jihad

Hamas TV’s recently martyred Mickey Mouse knockoff, Farfur, has been replaced by Bumble Bee Nahool. (“Bumble Bee Replaces Mickey Mouse Lookalike on Hamas TV”).

Nahool introduced himself this way to child MC Saraa:

"I am Nahool, Farfur's cousin...I want to continue the path of Farfur, -- the path of 'Islam is the solution; the path of heroism; the path of martyrdom; the path of the Jihad warriors. Me and my friends shall continue the path of Farfur.

"And in his name we shall take revenge upon the enemies of Allah, the murderers of the prophets [i.e. the Jews], the murderers of innocent children, until Al-Aqsa will be liberated from their filth."

Welcome to the show, chirps Saraa.

Sweet.