Monday, October 15, 2012

It’s Not Easy Being Yellow, Either

(Reuters) - Plans to save Big Bird, the fuzzy yellow character on U.S. public television's "Sesame Street," from possible extinction are taking shape in the form of a puppet-based protest next month dubbed the "Million Muppet March."

The demonstration is planned for November 3 at the National Mall in Washington, D.C., three days before the general election. (“"Million Muppet March" planned to defend U.S. backing for PBS”).

Enough, already.  I know how to settle this Big Bird thing once and for all.

Someone with minimal video skills, (I’d recommend Nakoula Baselley Nakoula, but he’s in federal custody), needs to produce a film – or even a trailer – featuring a film in which Big Bird says insulting things about the Prophet Mohammed. Don’t worry about copyright laws: we paid for him, so Big Bird belongs to the People.

Once released on YouTube, this video will result in the inevitable violent demonstrations breaking out across the Islamic Archipelago. Yes, the film’s producer will have to spend the rest of his life in hiding. But beyond that, all those demonstrations will include lots of footage of Big Bird being burned in effigy, Big Bird torn limb from limb, and people holding signs in poorly spelled English calling for Death to Big Bird. Islamic leaders will denounce the violence in response to a giant bird puppet as unIslamic, but each time they do so they’ll be reminding the American government of its obligation to purge Big Bird from its midst for hurting Muslim feelings.

The dhimmi press, in lockstep, will do an about-face from their current devotion to Big Bird. By the time they get done with him, Big Bird will be lucky if he gets off with just jail time for a probation violation. Sesame Street, in a show of submission to the Religion of Peace, will have to hand  Big Bird his walking BigBirdpapers. (And Miss Piggy, too, for obvious reasons of religious sensitivity). And I wouldn’t be surprised if  Sesame Street wasn’t soon welcoming a new Islamic Center,  too.

The plan is foolproof. Think about it: when faced with a choice between supporting public broadcasting or placating Islam, will most of these people really even think twice?



Wendy Woodley said...

The obvious question nobody seems to ask: will PBS cease to exist without federal funding? Won't they find a way (more advertising, more public fund raising, etc.) to continue to operate?

Anonymous said...

7 months later as I reread this my reaction is the same. I laugh out loud at the clever way the author uses the absurd to make a point, and then my heart sinks by the somber weight of it's true message.