Friday, December 19, 2008

Bush Press Secretary: 'You Should See the Other Guy'

According to the AP, the Iraqi/Baathist journalist who threw his shoes at President (“Iraq’s Liberator”) Bush was beaten up afterward “and had bruises on his face and around his eyes, a judge said Friday.” (“Iraqi judge: Shoe-tossing reporter was beaten”).

DU has been unable to confirm rumors that the person who beat up Muntather al-Zaidi, (whom the world’s Muslim spokesmen hail universally as a “courageous, heroic, tyrant-killer”), was none other than White House press secretary Dana Perino, who got a black eye herself as a result of al-Zaida's stunt.

It's reported the diminutive Ms. Perino reacted instinctively after seeing her boss attacked, saying she couldn’t “feature” not being able to take down a guy so puny he would attack his own nation's savior to stick up for a murdering shit like Saddam Hussein.

“I started out just bitch-slapping him,” Ms. Perino explained to reporters, once Al-Zaida had been hustled away to protective custody. “But when it dawned on me what the world press would do with the footage of those shoes being thrown, I switched to knuckles. It felt right, and didn’t even hurt! It was like punching a bad cantaloupe.”

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