U.S. Mint Announces Introduction of 'Obama Penny'

After thousands of articles comparing Barack Obama with Abraham Lincoln, and a reported outcry from working Americans everywhere demanding “change” from the haggard profile on the existing One Cent piece, the U.S. Mint has decided to introduce a new Obama Penny.

The new coin also serves as tie-in with President-Elect Obama’s economic stimulus package, so that, (over bankers' and retailers' objections), it will be worth $.02, though continuing to be denominated ONE CENT.

A spokesperson for the Mint says the new coin will bear the image of The One on the front side, with the old motto “IN GOD WE TRUST” being modernized to “WE ARE THE ONES.” The image of the Lincoln Memorial on the reverse side will be replaced by a dove perching atop two bumping fists. Rather than use the traditional copper, which comes from violently raping the Earth by mining, the new "green" penny will be cast from an alternative mixture of smelted firearms and recycled SUVs, and will in fact, be green.

Presidential Chief-of-Staff elect Rahm Emanuel, reached in Kentucky where he's busy overseeing construction of the log cabin where Obama was born, denies that any political pressure was applied to the Mint to make them come up with the new penny.

“Don’t blame me if Obama is the greatest president since Lincoln,” Emanuel said. “I think his record speaks for itself, don’t you? Now get outta here!”