A Face Made for State-Controlled Radio

Since Argentina elected Cristina Fernández de Kirchner as president this past Monday, ("Argentina elects first woman president"), Venezuelan strongman Ugo Chobbez is concerned that he may no longer be the best-looking head of state in South America.

Though Chobbez prides himself on keeping fit, never misses a palace Weight Watcher meeting, and loves leading political rallies in energetic pogo dancing, he simply happened to be born with a mug that makes him the world's ugliest dictator, even if he isn't the most powerful.

A DU correspondent close to the Chobbez junta informs us the dictatorissimo has for years been rejecting adviser suggestions that he have cosmetic work done. For one thing, Chobbez happens to be very fond of his own gnarly visage, often giving hours-long speeches to hinself in the medicine-chest mirror. Also, he didn't want to come across as a hypocrite, since he has often condemned nip and tuck as counterrevolutionary.

It is believed Chobbez softened his view during his last visit with his hero and confirmation sponsor, Fidel Castro. The Cuban leader mentioned in passing during talks that Chobbez could use some work, especially if he has plans to remain president-for-life--and hoped to have a spot on the dais at Castro's planned state funeralissimo. Castro is said to even have made his suggestion to the resistant Chobbez in the form of a dying wish.

In view of Mrs. de Kirchner's election and Castro's prompting, Chobbez has agreed for now to experiment with some blond highlights and maybe getting his ears pierced.